Monday, February 4, 2008

disintegration of persona

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i'm fraught with nothing these days. my life is now reached the point where i live in a cave. i only have to exist for food and the necessity's to pay the bills. so now my life is rife with illusionary fantasy fullfiment. i have a digital outlit for all my unachieved life goals, and socalisation is now entirely at my chooseing, and at my finger tips. I log in, I tune in, and the rest of the world turns off. This leaves me in such a unqiue quandary artisticly. Instead of a slave to socail whores i can create with in a bubble really everyone should be envious of. It just took me years of suffering and confusion to understand.

i have an ability to be anything i want here, to do anything i please, and in The Land Of Do As I Please, I find myself at strange odds with what to do. I've been so many things you see. So many beautiful things. I find so many things in this landscape of pictures, text, video, and celebrity sightings. It's a void of chaos swirling and begging for art to dip it's hand into it. Lets bring order, lets let ourselves fall apart, and feed the body only so that the mind and soul can be free.

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but i digress.














Yesterday i was a bad christian skipping church.















I was a river naiad.











I crossed the day off my calender.












I was a surrealist creature demanding hugs from strangers. Insisting after I'd been hugged, I had given them e-herpes.













I was on the phone with someone about an art show.


















I was someone's beautiful raven haired lover.















I was the photographer of my constant companions.
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I'm at a loss to tell you how exciting this is, to explore yourself beyond yourself, and still retain yourself. I think like everyone else playing in the digital landscape, i try to convince myself this is a cocoon to blossom from, to escape to, and then their i am again. playing like a big kid in a world of my own makeing. is this the ultimate temptation lord? have i fallen and failed? Or is this the glorious mirror of yourself, your beings makeing a world as faulted, flawed, and beautiful as them?


Lord Jesus Christ, Have mercy on me.


-V-V-


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