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get get gah get get gah

I'm ungilating through something allot like identity. I'm lost with who I am sometimes, I think sometimes i just live to please, and is that so wrong? was it ever so wrong? even if it was at the loss of myself, maybe that's the ultimate gift, love like that. love like that leads to a kind of death most people fear. who are you? and who are me?

It gets blurry in the middle here, and while i love you their, do I love you here? is the love different? would you make more sense manifest, would we better friends holding hands and skipping stones? I wonder, I do wonder. I'm a disappointment all fleshed out like this, yet i'm also a refreshing discovery. It's probably the inner meaty part that is most appealing always, but still, who is that exactly? where is that? is it where it should be? Does the nose really know?

is this what i really want? is anything what i really want? probably not, because what i really want, really probably doesn't matter. it's very fluid.
i like the easy goals, the big ones allude me.

did you and your lover get lost driving down the road? did you stop to love? did the sand storm come and blow you away? and what are you really watching? 3 seconds playing over and over again. assign a meaning, go on, i dare you to. i double dog dare you. triple dog dare you. dare you to death. whatever it takes to make you take action, let me make myself a vessel for that. but keep watching. maybe something will change.

i remember

you were supposed to be in love with me.
and i was supposed to be in love with you.

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Because the Internet is Serious Buisness

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ytmnd.com

i made this.

i have problems

http://itisaslowride.ytmnd.com

down down down the rabbit whole we go.

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disintegration of persona

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i'm fraught with nothing these days. my life is now reached the point where i live in a cave. i only have to exist for food and the necessity's to pay the bills. so now my life is rife with illusionary fantasy fullfiment. i have a digital outlit for all my unachieved life goals, and socalisation is now entirely at my chooseing, and at my finger tips. I log in, I tune in, and the rest of the world turns off. This leaves me in such a unqiue quandary artisticly. Instead of a slave to socail whores i can create with in a bubble really everyone should be envious of. It just took me years of suffering and confusion to understand.

i have an ability to be anything i want here, to do anything i please, and in The Land Of Do As I Please, I find myself at strange odds with what to do. I've been so many things you see. So many beautiful things. I find so many things in this landscape of pictures, text, video, and celebrity sightings. It's a void of chaos swirling and begging for art to dip it's hand into it. Lets bring order, lets let ourselves fall apart, and feed the body only so that the mind and soul can be free.

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but i digress.














Yesterday i was a bad christian skipping church.















I was a river naiad.











I crossed the day off my calender.












I was a surrealist creature demanding hugs from strangers. Insisting after I'd been hugged, I had given them e-herpes.













I was on the phone with someone about an art show.


















I was someone's beautiful raven haired lover.















I was the photographer of my constant companions.
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I'm at a loss to tell you how exciting this is, to explore yourself beyond yourself, and still retain yourself. I think like everyone else playing in the digital landscape, i try to convince myself this is a cocoon to blossom from, to escape to, and then their i am again. playing like a big kid in a world of my own makeing. is this the ultimate temptation lord? have i fallen and failed? Or is this the glorious mirror of yourself, your beings makeing a world as faulted, flawed, and beautiful as them?


Lord Jesus Christ, Have mercy on me.


-V-V-


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