it's that loneliness that won't go away even around people. it's that lack of connection with most things, no matter how hard you try... no matter what you do. it's operating at a loss of what to say. it's wanting to be open, letting others think you are, but holding back, biting your tongue, being so afraid to be who you really are for fear of loss.
I can't make the rhyme or reason of it. but you remain immutably special. Even if it's immaterial I wake up every morning and wonder at the joy of it. Is it possible to have everything you're supposed to embrace just be the dream that leads up to our unreality? Are we the lucky ones? When my lips open, and your name peals out....It's like a dream. It's like a dream. Our own home brewed dream. I want to embrace this as us.
(3:51:42 PM) evilstepmom:I like the cop to your left that has the straight face... Would have been more convincing if your hands were on teh car and he was patting you down (3:51:58 PM) me: tracy they are street cops, thier was no car (3:52:18 PM) evilstepmom:They could have still had you up against a wall or something (3:52:22 PM) me: i say you show it to dad and act like something serious is going on (3:52:24 PM) evilstepmom:handcuffs would have been fun (3:52:24 PM) me: yeah (3:52:39 PM) me: yeah the one on the left looking all serious offered.... it was a little to sincere of an offer (3:53:03 PM) evilstepmom:they don't use the metal ones much any more,,, they have these plastic tie things (3:53:09 PM) evilstepmom:you can get them at lowes (3:53:13 PM) tevilstepmom:not as romantic (3:53:13 PM) me: lol (3:53:16 PM) me: i know (3:53:28 PM) evilstepmom:okay... I got a billion things to get done... . (3:53:45 PM) me: well..i'm glad you enjoyed the picture, thanks for the slightly creepy tips (3:53:57 PM) evilstepmom:my job to educate (3:53:58 PM) evilstepmom:love (3:54:03 PM) me: love
A surreal moment from this weekend, was standing with two people i met on second life, who played mythical creatures on a simulation, along side my vampire..... watching a video by Cao Fei about her second life Aviator (china Tracey).
My friends and me in SL:
Mali and Arse (she's a nice girl from Jersey, he's part Apache from New Mexico irl)
my female friend's alternative character (alt) Kym.
this is my main char being a weirdo on a friend's property (she lives down the block from her too on a beach sim) she spans allot of styles and looks. She's been so many things.
China Tracey/Cao Fei....is it wierd that in a textual context i think of her by her assumed name? anyways..her videos:
another funny aside, a man was standing next to me and my friends while i had the head phones on watching the video. I made the typing motion a SL aviator makes when it types (and you haven't shut off that animation) to answer my friends questioning eyes and smiles. we all laughed. the man didn't, he looked scared. Then my friends boyfriend leans in, touches him on the collar in that friendly quick male way and says "we all three met on second life" the man then looks at my friends with wonder, then over at me with a request for confirmation in his eyes, i just smiled and nodded. he stepped back, i think he was afraid. was it a fear of a world he only had a hint of, a world he didn't know? that something seemingly so fake and distant could bring 3 people together in front of a video in the real life? or was he over whelmed with the wonderment and beauty of it? i hope all of it. fear and wonder in one day, what a rich day for his emotional state. maybe he had to go play. maybe he already did. that's the fun of secret lives and worlds. it's for your heart alone if you choose it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new museaum was wonderful. best exhibit i saw all weekend. and alllot about blurred lines. I also saw local Texas artist Paul Slocum WTG Paul. I know everything you've done you have fought for, and it's good to see one of us Texans doing so well. Maybe being from here isn't such a stigma. Right Mr Rauschenberg? right Mr Schnauble? RIGHT!? ah. I also saw the Whitney Biennial, the Guggenheim, central park, the empire state and crystler buildings, china town, little italy, soho, the Brooklyn bridge, and the statue of liberty waaaay off in the distance. not bad for only two full days in town. I'll show pictures when my pal's send them.
I will fully undergo the transformation to my newly aquired self on April 1st. I finaly picked my own last name. well with help from step mother. I'm proud. It's a kind of rebirth. and not this isn't going to turn out to be one really mean joke i setup. though that would be an amazingly thought out and well executed joke on my part. I'm not that clever though. ____Now for your ASCII reward for my ramblings. Good arting!____
MFA candidate at the University of Houston. The bulk of my work is about identity and how that can change on the internet. I work in video installation, digital happenings, digital installation, and animated gifs.
